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Sunday, July 31st, 2005

(2 anointed lusts |Anoint The Lust Inside You)

Subject:LISTEN
Time:12:57 am.
Mood: he looks more asain than glad.
so i know i haven't updated in a while but you'll find out why because i'm going to tell you right now

so me and ryan adams were hanging out one day and we came to the grim realization that television talk shows blow the world is being corrupted by these blow it out your ass talk shows that don't dig deep into what the public wants so we decided to start our own talk show and here is the transcript from our first episode

(by the way if you would like to watch the show it airs on pax, upn, and the outdoor channel simultaneously so you've got to pick one, unless you have 3 tv's)

Keith: welcome to the first episode of The Way Things Are, i'm your host Keith Helm and this is my co-host ryan adams

Ryan: yes we've stopped the world now come melt with us

Keith: this being our first show we felt the need to open big you know what i'm saying

Ryan: fucking explosion Ka-pow (ryan then proceeded to stumble out of his chair and grab at the camera)

Keith: yes so we'd like to bring out our first guest tonight.... John Stamos, John Stamos everyone

Ryan: what a cock

John: why hello its so nice to be on a talk show that doesn't suck seriously this show is so good

Keith: umm its only our first show how can you know if its good or not

Ryan: hey john weren't you married to rebecca romijn

John: why yes i was at one time even though we're divorced we still keep a close friendship and i think that says something

Ryan: yeah it says you're a pussy

John: well why did you want to bring this up if you were just going to be rude about it

Ryan: i wanted to tell you that i banged her before we started this show

(john reached out to grab ryan but ryan moved at the last moment and spun around to hit john in the back of the head with a lamp we had sitting on the stage)

Ryan: get bent

Keith: well thats all the time we have for our first show hopefully you'll join us next time

Ryan: i'm so going to rip your goddam uncle jessie olsen twin molesting face off you two bit acting whore

John: oh god please don't hurt me

(ryan breaks the lamp so the glass bulb becomes jagged and uses it to carve john stamos' face while laughing and screaming something in navajo over and over again)


so now you see why i haven't had the time to update as often as before but i'll make sure to post some more transcripts of our upcoming shows and if you would like tickets to one of our shows too fucking bad because ryan adams uses the audience seating area as a giant sand box during commercial breaks

Sunday, July 24th, 2005

(6 anointed lusts |Anoint The Lust Inside You)

Subject:... But Lets Go Shoot Some Birds, Im Psyched.
Time:6:27 pm.
Mood: vince vaughn-ified.
man vince vaughn is so damn cool he's a genius and owen wilson is just as neat

yeah i saw wedding crashers today and it was so damn funny i can't even think because there were so many amazing scenes in that movie man i want to make movies like that where i get paid lots of money to do nothing but be kickass man i want to make movies now NOW DAMMIT

MOM THE MEATLOAF NOW... FUCK

haha if you've seen the movie you get it and if you haven't well deal with it then go see the movie

oh and owen wilson says halfassed and it made me really happy and he said hardcore which also made me happy and the movie makes fun of emo fucks and it has rachel mcadams being a rachel mchottie i'm so going to see that movie again

what else happened this weekend... oh yeah thats fucking right i got a tattoo and yes i know what you're thinking it is that badass other than that i don't really have much else to talk about regarding the weekends activities so to sum everything up wedding crashers: BADASS vince vaughn & owen wilson: BADASS me and my tattoo: BADASS

well i'll check you kids later

hahahahahahah
did you just see her? she eye fucked the shit out of me
man i love vince vaughn

Tuesday, July 19th, 2005

(3 anointed lusts |Anoint The Lust Inside You)

Subject:Yes It Really Is That Time
Time:4:59 am.
Mood: no sleep, work in 2 hours mood.
I just got home from band practice and like the little title proclaims, yes it really is that time but we (brady, robin, shelby, and i) "finished" the lyrics for the new song we're still missing a verse, we want to change the second chorus, and we need to tweak the P-rom on the ending but overall its fairly neat (i don't know if i'll think the same the next time i see it... we did write it at like never o'clock in the morning) but the song is really neat regardless and you should all come to the show friday (at the wazoo) to witness the unveiling of the new song i think its titled There Was an Incident, It Was No Accident but i'm not positive i mean look at the time this was posted seriously

i hope everyone read the little piece from stephen king's book he's writing now (it was in my previous post) if you haven't read it yet i highly recommend you do its really interesting because i got a feeling its about the zombies even though its the first draft and there have been no rewrites to it its still it perfect king fashion it paints a picture of happiness and then in the last few lines floods it with horror man i love stephen king he writes such amazing books his books are so great that they make you hope that the bad stuff doesn't happen because you don't want to see the characters you've grown to love fall not many writers can do that and i'm glad he's not retiring like he said he was at the end of DT VII

i've been thinking of getting a tattoo well i haven't been thinking about getting one i've decided i'm getting one i know what it is (1987) and where its going (inside left wrist) like ryan adams' tattoo in the same place except his says 1974 because he was born then not in 1987 i'm just too lazy to drive to fayetteville to get it i only know of going to fayetteville because thats where the knight times place is and it sounds fairly professional and i want professional i don't want something thats going to be on my body for the rest of my life look halfassed i want it to look fucking golden you know what i'm saying mayn?

i've been listening to so much ryan adams lately (not that its a bad thing, in fact its most excellent) he's a fucking amazing songwriter and if you don't like ryan adams then i'll kick you in the face ryan adams is so great bryan adams is trying to legally change the b in his name to a silent b (actually i don't know if he really is, but if i was bryan adams i'd probably kill myself because i'm not as cool as ryan adams, that and because i wrote the soundtrack for robin hood prince of thieves and that movie blows)

tomorrow well i guess today constantine comes out and i don't care what you have to say about how much keanu sucks i think he's neat and no matter how much you tell me constantine sucked i thought it was a really good story because i find the demon angel battle of good vs evil really really really damn interesting

well i gots the work in T minus 2 hours so i guess i better shag ass and try to find some sleep for a few minutes i'll talk to you kids later same badass time same badass channel

Saturday, July 16th, 2005

(4 anointed lusts |Anoint The Lust Inside You)

Subject:Good God And A Haif
Time:6:48 pm.
Mood: worn out.
before i tell the tale of me and hanz owning the east coast i'll do the little 7 songs that are my favorite thing that ashley gave me so you kids can know what real music is


1. American Girl-Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers (Its Tom Petty is there really anything else i need to say)
2. Gimmie Shelter-The Rolling Stones (fucking Stones brosef they're just dirty RAWK)
3. Tangled Up In Blue/Romance In Durango-Bob Dylan (I couldn't pick one)
4. Wild Horses-Gram Parsons (I know its a Stones song and i love it as a Stones song but i think GP makes it more American)
5. Betterman-Pearl Jam (Dear sweet Lord one of the greatest songs of all time PERIOD)
6. Shakedown On 9th St.-Ryan Adams (another dirty swampy rawk song and its an amazing story)
7. Cigarettes In Hell-Oasis (I can't find this song anywhere its like a b-side to one of their singles which is in europe only but i used to have it back when i had ares or whatever that d/l thing was called and its a really great song)

Honorable Mention
-Anything by U2
-Anything by the Foo Fighters
-Anything by the Police
-Anything by the White Stripes
-Everything else by the bands on my list


that is that and this is this and now i'm going to tell you that this entry will be the definitive tale of hanz and mine's quest throughout the worlds of oddities and explicit-ives it will be long but it won't be lacking in the story department it will keep you focused its gripping

So hanz met the birdcheeses AKA the buttercreams AKA the butterfuck AKA the Toad man and their manwoman daughter and her manwoman friend then we drove for a long time and it was boring as well driving for a long time is we stopped for the night in memphis which is the home of being badass apparently because thats all me and hanz saw we cruised into memphis listening to U2 and if you've seen rattle and hum you know that U2 spends some time in memphis so we were like dear God we stepped where U2 stepped then we got to our hotel room in the nicest hotel i've ever been in it was like freaking mad intense elegant anyways we got to the room and like within 30mins of being in memphis we made a really kickass song (like ryan adams kickass) i'm not good at writing lyrics but these just like fell out of my mouth i was really impressed oh and i picked up some glasses along the way that i wore indoors and outdoors day or night for the entire trip just because i looked badass with them on anyways we were going to go out to eat it was nighttime and i had my glasses on and we stepped out the door we hopped a trolley and when we started moving like everyone fell over except me and hanz and i was all like "what you people never rode public transportation before?" we ended up in this little dirty sleazy bbq bar place i don't remember the name but the guy that owned it was like Jackie D or Johnny D (I think it was Jackie D) anyways we were eating and i walked up to the juke and put some Rolling Stones on and jammed it was really good and when Sympathy for the Devil came on me and Jackie D were singing along and he called me lil' elvis (yes lil' not little, he was black remember) after that we crossed the street to this little jazz club and the band playing was really really nice they were like 40's & 50's rock sounding it was really enjoyable and i bought the place's most expensive cigar and smoked it because i'm 18 and i'm invincible i'm golden (that was just the first night, so i don't think this will be the definitive version, i think this will be somewhere between that and the halfassed version if you want more detail ask me or hanz and we'll give it to you anyways here is the rest of the trip) we got to charleston south carolina (yeah not quite where we were going in the first place or the second place but well deal with it) we stayed in a decent little place it was a little too gay for me there was alot of animal print but the view of the ocean was really nice and the room me and hanz had to share had like a damn library in it filled with weird books but there was a biography on mick jagger (i thumbed through it)the first night we were at the beach we played beach football me and hanz against my sister and like 3 of her friends (one of whom i was apparently a dick to if you ask hanz) and we owned we also played alot of cards speed, hearts, and like other cards stuffs and we watched movies then we went to bed at like 2 or 3 in the morning and we slept until 2 that afternoon yeah it was the first real sleep i've had in a really long time and it was good and i had a sore throat and couldn't talk until like the last 4 days of our trip oh and my phone was fucked the entire trip because my charger broke except for one night when i got it to work anyways the day after we slept until 2 since that day didn't really count we went to actual charleston because we were living on an island called isle of the palms or something like that so we went to charleston and we got to learn of the history of the town which was so freaking intense because while there we like walked where george washington had walked and i felt really damn American while there i bought million dollar baby, the new AAR cd which is even better than their first, and i bought a jacket with two dragons on it being neat i don't see why ashley doesn't like south carolina its freaking intense except for the fact that me and hanz couldn't find the cumberland river which ryan adams sings of in one of his songs (though alot of his songs deal with the carolinas) i was going to hang with ashley for a day but she had to go to like illinois or some place like that so the next day was another day of illin' by the beach then the last day we were in south carolina we watched fireworks for the completion of some new bridge that was opening on the way home i had a wreck but it wasn't a wreck it was more like a "we spun off the road into the ditch" it was weird because not a single thing happened to me or hanz we were perfectly fine and the mustang is fine except for the rear right wheel is scratched and i'll have to buy a new one anyways thats the trip its not everything but like i said if you want more just ask me or hanz

dear god you must read this i'm so damn happy
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/browse/-/14110591/ref%3Damb%5Fcenter-11%5F226400%5F2/102-3700291-4218517

Friday, July 8th, 2005

(1 anointed lust |Anoint The Lust Inside You)

Subject:I Fell Over Thats How Hard They RAWK
Time:12:25 am.
Mood: fat people RAWKING is funny.
so today is not only my birthday but is the closure of the badass birthday fest which started with gary busey and drove into july on the shoulders of tom cruise and then rounded out by me being my badass self


i don't really have anything else to talk about other than me and hanz start work on the second draft of ONIP tomorrow so hopefully we get it together and hash out a larger than life story to keep you constant readers and the kids of the rest of the world in suspense long enough for us to get famous


oh at plea for parachute practice yesterday i broke my oakleys so i'm pissed as a motherfucker but not really because being pissed doesn't fix them but yeah it blows being without glasses because i wore them everywhere and now my eyes like burn from even the slightest light

i don't know what else to say so i guess i'll make a real update at a later date i just wanted to keep things fresh for you kids but if you want to talk about whatever than you know just email me at /google.www@theinternet.http

Saturday, July 2nd, 2005

(5 anointed lusts |Anoint The Lust Inside You)

Subject:A Zombie Just Killed Your Loved One, WHAT DO YOU DO?
Time:10:57 pm.
Mood: sad there are no zombies.
So i reread my most recent post (the one before this in case you're a dumbass) and i realized how much sense it didn't make but thats what happens when you haven't had like any sleep for 2 weeks and are then given a way to put your thoughts into words but fret no longer chilluns because now i actually have stuff to talk about

i finished the dead zone and so i drove myself over to barnes & noble because i wanted to buy making love the bruce campbell way but apparently mr barnes and his friend mr noble don't know shit about shit and tried to tell me that bruce campbell doesn't exist so i went over to stephen king's section of the bookstore if you ever feel like going there it's cataloged under total badass if i believe but as i looked at them i thought well i've read like 64818948419884 king books back to back maybe i need to take a break from it and thats when i met mr max brooks the author of The Zombie Survival Guide: Complete Protection From The Living Dead i recommend this book to anyone who doesn't want to become a zombies bitch even though thats really hard to become because they are slow simpletons but anyways the book is still very important so important in fact i believe it should be taught in schools so the public can be prepared for the zombie apocalypse anyways like this entry's title dictates i'm going to offer you cheeky little monkeys the top 10 lessons for surviving a zombie attack

trust me this stuff isn't for the birds

1. Organize before they rise!

2. They feel no fear, why should you?

3. Use your head: cut off theirs.

4. Blades don't need reloading.

5. Ideal protection = tight clothes, short hair.

6. Get up the staircase, then destroy it.

7. Get out of the car, get onto a bike.

8. Keep moving, keep low, keep quiet, keep alert!

9. No place is safe, only safer.

10. The zombie may be gone, but the threat lives on.

i advise you to print off 14+ copies of this list and paste it to anything and everything you look at on a daily basis

learn it, trust it, love it, live it it will save your life I SHIT YOU NOT

just /google.http.@theinternet if you want to

Friday, July 1st, 2005

(4 anointed lusts |Anoint The Lust Inside You)

Subject:Now Is The Winter Of Your Discontent
Time:12:14 am.
Mood: i don't know what i feel like.
welcome back my excited little bananas

so i'm just here illin thinking about the day and how sometimes there is an overwhelming rush of unbelievably cool shit and other days there is just the usual but on those rare occasions when we step back and take a look at what we've really done we find that there is more to living than just well living so c'mon people get off your lazy asses quit complaining about how your life is so hard because its not even the worst life in America is still alot better than the best life in some countries and if you still find your life lacking then help out the rest of the world man plant a tree, recycle your's and your neighbor's trash seriously i'm not shitting around help out those helping out help out those that need it most help out those that live the least sometimes i get really pissed off at the state of the nation as it stands in the way of progression but dammit i'm still an American and dammit i love this country i am a patriot

so i say to you my little astro burgers if you don't like something fucking climb all over it until its fixed or at least until you can live with it don't sit around wondering yes or no because it'll only become a wasted stay at the crossroads of life

title or description

sorry 'bout that it seems that willem dafoe snuck in there but doesn't he just look pleasant so keep making him pleasant by doing something with your life seriously i mean even if you don't want to help someone thats cool if you don't want to give that guy who will ask you for directions then thats cool but don't waste your life do something with it so you can feel good about yourself because there is no need to run around feeling sorry for yourself

but i'm going to go now but seriously do something this coming week something that is completely out of what your personality dictates that you should do and try to make your place a little bit better even if you just pick up that wrapper that the person lazily tossed at the trashcan and it bounced off the rim help 'em you know just tap it in for them


just slash google @http.the internet if you want to

Wednesday, June 29th, 2005

(5 anointed lusts |Anoint The Lust Inside You)

Subject:Oh Sweet Lord
Time:6:26 am.
Mood: IT'S GARY BUSEY'S BIRTHDAY.
GOOD GOD IT'S GARY BUSEY'S BIRTHDAY EVERYONE SAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO GARY BUSEY title or description title or description

Tuesday, June 28th, 2005

(Anoint The Lust Inside You)

Subject:Has It Been This Long?
Time:9:03 pm.
Mood: hollow.
man i haven't been on here in such a long time FREAKEN WARPED TOUR i'm not going to type about it because that would take so long let me just say The Receiving End of Sirens NEAT, Dropkick Murphys NEAT, Tyson Ritter FUCKING NEAT and my new best friend

i haven't had a true nights sleep since last monday night which isn't that big of a deal i don't sleep that much anyways and it wasn't a problem during school because i didn't do shit during the day but now that i work and i have band practice i'm running on fucking fumes and my body is like deteriorating seriously i'm looking fucking hollow

i want to read making love the bruce campbell way (its the new book by... bruce "don't call me ash" campbell) and its a work of fiction unlike if chins could kill which was his autobiography and it was really good

i saw land of the dead sunday and it was really really good i'd talk about it but i already have on like 40 other journals so i'm lotd'd out but i suggest you watch it like good FUN movies and if you've seen all the others than what the hell you should have already seen it

i bought tickets today for WOTW tomorrow its going to fucking own because tom cruise is neat

so much more has happened that i really want to talk about but i'm just too damn hollow to type i feel like i'm constantly in a daze and rescue me is on so i've got to go watch it because everyone knows television was invented for 2 things only the x-files and rescue me seriously the rest of television blows

if you want to know more about my badass week of shit than just leave a comment asking whatever you want to know and then i'll reply if you're worth it

i was cruising the internet and i found this from denis leary's new book - kiss my white irish ass - i can't wait till it comes out http://www.frivolity.com/teatime/Miscellaneous/are_you_man_enough.txt

Friday, June 17th, 2005

(7 anointed lusts |Anoint The Lust Inside You)

Subject:God I Wish I Had Written This But Instead Twas Jack White
Time:4:56 pm.
Mood: Blown Away By Jack White.
there once was a story i wanted to tell, but i assumed it was one you all knew too well. maybe i was wrong. was wondering how clear we were gonna say it. how to keep us all interested enough to not drift off and start fantasizing about romantic things. but then again, what about those things in books, and in movies? are they real? does anybody care? you ride the bus don't you? ain't nobody ever bumped into you before? was it an accident? lotta questions. rhett and scarlet, what they are? can't be true love. but there are others. unrequited is a word too. it's in the dictionary after truth i believe. everyday life some others i guess look at as romantic. but what about us people? are those elements impossible for us to experience? do you know and welcome the idea of true love, staging, destiny, mis en scene, hope for internal completion? everyone's talking about their hurt and their rage on the radio. and the armchair judge is the family bible in prime time today. what reality is fake? then drama is superficial and not admired, the judge and the apology is shallow, love is put aside. i think there's one truth, with no subjectivity. and in the corner is a booth with some productivity. under my arm is a device with conductivity and i gave it to you. no lessons o.k.? the city i live in it ain't no different man! your sidewalk has less cracks in it? how spoiled we are right! funny, funny, funny. but you must have bought a book, and it is a reality to hold in your thought, let's put it together thought. we know not to kill after seeing a murder on the screen, but do we know not to love when we see two fulfilled? your morning can go however you want it. no one owes you breakfast for example. no one owes you a ride. and you know damn well you could walk there if you wanted to. and you know too that you could have what you need. to give is true and admirable too, but to be taken from is loss and and totally false. imagine that you are being taken from. what faith is tested? what hope is wuthering? what angel was persecuted who worked so hard at something never to achieve it? prove it to me. and what child who was innocent was pushed to the ground never to get up again? where's he/she at right now? where's a starbucks when you need one? am i in destiny, am i in my kitchen? you're the book dammit. you are the morning. don't deny yourself with this duty-woman! don't deny yourself with a painted smile on skull-man! put it on the table. and don't deny it. whatever it is. do yourself a favor and breathe real, get it? funny, were all still here man. nobody left, and it's odd because the more you deny it, the funnier it gets. three kids are playing on the playground, and one turns to the others and says "are they making us go to school or are we learning for the sake of beauty?" the other kids love this idea, and they laugh and pass notes about it for days. so we all know the right thing to do, and we all root for the underdog in the book, we can't help it! kick yourself off the island. she is her. he is us. the underdog wins in the book, and in real life?. not just in some sports game. you know, but- hey wouldn't it be nice if every sports team was only allowed to have team members form its own city? no trading. evil can be funny. righteousness is a barrel of laughs too. come on, we all know! it's a new century, no sarcasm kids. boy these kids can take! how bout take the tongues out of the cheeks? no blasphemy. no talking under your breath. tell me what you want, and we can get it together. i'm not kidding. they wrote the books to share with you what they assumed could be. they made the films to explore what you didn't get to do at work today. and they wrote the songs to fill in the gaps between being some place, and getting there. but it by no means, don't mean, it can't be. you're probably already there, just admit it. just say it. then you'll get it. stay the truth, and hold with this word behind tooth, to know that truth pushes truth forward, and to be taken is to be held, and to be stolen from is to lose what truth you deserve, pretending this is pretending the play with no audience but yourself, the options are sometimes not options at all, but distractions or temptations to live for something or someone else instead of yourself, breathing can't be taken, the fact can't be shaken, and the truth is till waiting always for you. i think we're gonna be ok


i didn't want to put anything else in this post, i just wanted it to be that epic monologue you just read by Jack White III but i felt this was needing because, well my prayers have been answered. i just saw a commercial for the new season of vh1's celebrity fit club and guess who is going to be on it...... the anticipations killing me AND I KNOW WHO IT IS! ok enough of this guessing game freaking the nimble vagrant himself Gary Busey will be on tv again i'm so stoked. aren't you?

this too must be placed in here because its freaking intense http://imdb.com/news/wenn/2005-06-17/ you must read it for yourself but i say, to all you playa hatas, you just got royally owned by the MAN himself

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